A difficult phone call..

Yesterday was a hard day, to say the least. It was a day that confirmed some of our worst fears. It was life changing. I'll start by updating that about a month ago, when I switched doctors, one of her first courses of action was to have a semen analysis done on my husband. It hadn't been done yet, and she was certain that the results of such a test would either rule him in or out of the equation of why I am not getting pregnant. It was a simple test, but so much could be understood from it. There is one fertility clinic here in town that performs such a test, and they were happy to help us. I don't think there's a need to further explain how the test gets started. But basically, we took a semen collection to the clinic one morning, dropped it off, signed some forms, and happily went on our way. They said they would get the results back to my doctor within no later than a week and she would call us if anything were wrong. Well, for nearly a month, no one called us so we took that as good news. Until yesterday when my doctor called me. My heart sank when the phone rang and I saw the number on caller id, and I hadn't even spoken with anyone yet.

My new doctor was on the other end and she had to deliver some very difficult news. She received Jeremy's test results back, and they were very abnormal for a guy of his age. He has a condition called Asthenospermia which affects the motility (or movement) of a male's sperm. Basically, Jeremy's sperm are alive, but they are stagnant. They do not swim. This is typically a inherited condition, and there are very limited treatments for it to improve the motility of his sperm. The treatments that do exist are as simple as hormone therapy, but the success rates are very low. She advised that for the next two months, we try to improve his healthy lifestyle as much as possible by eating healthier and taking a daily multi-vitamin, exercising regularly, sleeping well, etc., then repeat the analysis to see if anything improves. Without being a downer, she said "..chances are this is not going to improve the motility well enough for normal results. With a condition like this, it just kind of is what it is. It's not impossible, it's just very difficult, and I've had couples in my office with the same situation who have been unable to get pregnant on their own after years and years of trying. This condition usually results in IUI or IVF..."

As difficult as that conversation was, the hard part was yet to come. I then had to call my husband and fill him in. So with tears in my eyes and a huge lump in my throat I made the call. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do. He handled it okay, but I could just hear the sadness in his voice. Later when he got home from work, we sat out on our back porch and talked more about it. Facing what we are facing now, we have to make a lot of choices. We have to choose to draw close to each other through this. I can see now how marriages can fail with news like this, and much worse. It's a hard hit to a relationship. We have to choose to draw near to God through this, because He is the only thing that can bring us through. Facing the reality of all of this, it is going to take a miracle for us to become parents. But we both have to believe that God WILL heal our bodies. We have to speak these things out loud, and really rely on God's faithfulness like never before. We have to remember what He has already done and believe in what He is still going to do. He is going to use this situation to turn around and get all the glory! And even though we're confused and hurting, we have to choose to give Him the glory that He so rightfully deserves! We still have to praise Him. We're still going to praise Him.

After receiving the news, I was on the prowl. I rallied up as many people I could who love us and have been praying for us, to pray some more. We know that this is the devil's way of stealing from us. He's trying to attack us in any way possible. But what I know is that we have a covering of prayer over our lives and our bodies, and he will not win! Since we began trying, we agreed that we would keep things on the down low. We just thought it would be best for us to keep things a little private. So there have even been family members who, for almost a year and a half, have not known that we were actively "trying" to get pregnant. But not anymore. We have filled most of them in so that they can be praying too. When times get tough, we have to have people surrounding us who can be strong when we cannot. And we are BLESSED, let me tell ya! The outpouring of love and support is amazing! We have some incredible friends & family!

This is all still sinking in. As of right now, there is no plan of action, no next step. We are faced with options, but we need to pray and hear what God wants us to do before deciding on anything. I will keep updating.