A little sentiment...

Tonight i had one of the most incredible conversations with my husband that I think i have ever had before. Such meaning and beauty pouring out of my Love's spirit nearly crippled me as I listened to him speak of his emotions about adoption. The tears poured from his eyes as he shared with me how important this is to him, and how excited he is to walk this road the Lord has set before us. I love him EVEN more because of this conversation. Beauty.

I've referred to our story of trying to conceive as a "journey" because it truly has been one. Two years ago we made the decision to actively "try", although we could not imagine what lay before us. Its been a time of waiting, trusting, hoping, praying, believing, rebuking, declaring, singing, mourning, wishing, seeking, growing, etc., that ultimately has opened our eyes and hearts to the truth that God has a plan. It's not over yet, but my heart is bursting at the seams with gratitude for what the Lord has done in us these past two years.

I was catching up on one of my favorite blogs yesterday, and although our stories are completely different, the writer could not have summed my feelings up any better. In the following text, Matt Hammitt, lead singer of Sanctus Real, beautifully articulates a very important point about "waiting" that I feel like God has been trying to teach me for two years. This is what he writes as it applies to his story:

"As I lovingly stared into Bowen’s eyes just before midnight, my face only inches from his chest, I thought, ‘This love is an awesome mess.’ I know I’m not the first person to think or to say something like that. Many great works of art have titles that are reminiscent of those words. I believe it’s because tension is the place where the worst of life and the best of true hope meet to unveil our eyes to God’s artistic work of redemption. What a mighty and creatively loving God we serve. He allows us to know great pain, so that we can know the greater pleasure of trading it in for purpose.”- Matt Hammitt

For real!!...Tension is the place where the worst of life and the best of hope meet to unveil our eyes to Gods artistic work of redemption..God has allowed us to know great pain for two years now SO THAT we can know the greater pleasure of trading it in for purpose - purpose being that miracle that we will receive eventually, whether biological or adopted; our purpose in life as parents. At the start of our journey, I never thought I would someday be able to look back and feel gratitude for all the heartache and gut-wrenching moments I've experienced waiting for a miracle baby. But now I can say I am witnessing Gods wonderfully artistic work of redemption unfold as He lovingly paints the rest of our story. It has not been easy the least bit, but I can say the waiting seems worth it now just to have the peace I feel in my heart because God is in control here.

On Monday we will take our first official step in this adoption process by attending our first meeting. We are excited, we are anxious, but we are following where God is taking us. Two years ago, the thought of adoption never entered my mind, but I praise and thank Him for changing my heart and giving me a new passion - one that I know is ordained by Him and what He wants for my life, rather than just what I want for my life. And I cannot give enough thanks for how He has brought my life companion to that same place.

Psalm 130:5-7
I pray to God—my life a prayer—
and wait for what he’ll say and do.
My life’s on the line before God, my Lord,
waiting and watching till morning,
O Israel, wait and watch for God -
With Gods arrival comes love,
With Gods arrival comes generous redemption.