18,223....

It's just a number, I keep repeating to myself. It's just a number. A very large number. I look at it and I feel

overwhelmed

breathless

cheated

anxious

defeated

Is this really the only thing standing between us and our future child(ren)? I say the only thing, but really there are other things, too. This, though..this number seems the most daunting.

$18,223.00

I'm battling against doubt. I'm battling those thoughts that try to creep in that tell me it's impossible. I'm battling those thoughts that try to convince me that we will have to take out yet another loan. I'm battling those torturous feelings that try to remind me yet again that our bodies don't work; those feelings that attempt to rob us of our excitement of adopting.

And even though
My brain is exhausted from brainstorming to come up with fundraiser ideas..
My heart feels heavy from waiting..
And my spirit feels weak from fighting...

God gently and lovingly reminds me that this number is IN FACT the only thing standing between us and our baby.

And although it might be too big for me, it will never be too big for Him.