The morning of October 3rd, I popped up out of bed to get to the hospital so that I could be next to birth mom's side as she was preparing for her first operation. Just a few days prior, she honored me by asking if I would be with her during the delivery, so we made plans for me to arrive at the hospital early that morning so that we could work out our anxieties together. Meanwhile, since only I was allowed to be in the OR, Jeremy waited in the waiting room nearby. Parts of me wish sometimes that I could have sat there with him, as I'm sure he was trying to make sense of the thoughts running through his head at the time. Those parts of me wish that I could have seen him pacing the floor, pouring yet another cup of mediocre coffee, and browsing through golf equipment on eBay as he watched time drag on while waiting for the news that our daughter was born.
He was right around the corner from the hospital's newborn nursery, so before he even knew that it was in fact his daughter that he was looking at through a blurry window, nurses wheeled our freshly delivered, chunky little bundle right into his line of sight. Eager to point him in the baby's direction, I came running out of the recovery room to meet him. "LOOK!" I said, as I flipped through photos I was able to snap of her in the OR. I tried my best to stand still and slow down as I ran through all the stats of her weight, length, and time of birth, but the adrenaline got the best of me. So he grabbed my hand instead, and led me to the nursery window where we stood for what seemed like forever, and watched our little girl demand nurses attention. I remember looking at him as he watched his daughter, smiling from ear to ear, and tears glazing his eyes, and I watched my husband transform into a father. Nothing could break his gaze, nor the bond that he felt toward his sweet baby...and he hadn't even gotten to touch her yet. We stood there in front of a window, and we became parents - not in the most conventional way, but in just the way God had always intended it to be.
Hours passed before nurses allowed for us to enter the nursery to be with our girl. They needed some time to monitor her and stabilize her blood sugar (gestational diabetes) before they let us in. We passed the time as we ate, called friends and family, and walked the mall to find her something special to wear for when we would bring her home. Soon the time came, though, and we shook nervously as we approached the bassinet where our baby lay. There in the dark, in a space all to ourselves, we rocked little Selah and got to feed her for the first time. And my heart swelled as I witnessed a new dad love on his baby. We marveled at how beautiful she was, and how distinct and perfect her little features were. A week ago we didn't even know she existed. And now our hearts were ruined with an indescribable love for this tiny being. We rocked, and we loved until we had to say goodnight. It was time for us to go, but we whispered in her ear of promises to return...to always return.
For two months now, I have watched this daddy-daughter bond grow. She loves his voice, and turns her head toward it at the first sound. Her eyes look at him in a way that is different from how she looks at everyone else. It is evident of how she loves him, her daddy. He has the most gentle way with this sweet girl, and it makes me proud to picture the sweet disposition he is helping to develop within her. He reads her books and she listens. She smiles at his silliness. He speaks and she is soothed. I couldn't ask for more.
I have always loved my life with this man. He is more than I could ever imagine. But this... This is different. This is my favorite time. I am blessed to watch him grow in love with her, as he cares for her, and as he is stretched to new places. She has brought a sparkle to his eyes and awakened him to life again. He is a dad to the most beautiful little girl. And I am in love with him.
2 comments:
love this. brought tears to my eyes. it's incredible to see what our little girls have done to our hubbies.
This was a great post. So glad that you finally received the answer to your many prayers!
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