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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Prayer & Fasting..

Yep, that's right..I'm fasting & praying..along with lots of other folks, from churches all over the world. I'm not going to say exactly what I'm fasting from, I'm keeping that between God and myself..and it's important to me that way. Only He can keep me accountable during this time, that way I don't feel like I'm on display to those I'm around. But let's just say that over the next 20 days (I'm down one already), I'm praying for some serious clarity and closure to many things in my life..a sort of peace that only my Savior can bring to my soul.

We are currently staying with my parents, but only until our home is finished being built. It's been pretty good thus far, fairly easy. I know it's helping my mom, who spends much of her time at home alone, because my step-dad works out of town, and my brother is rarely ever home for very long. So our being here has kept her company, which she has expressed her gratefulness for many times. They're helping us out too, allowing us to live with them for 6 weeks, give or take a few. This is allowing us to save some money for the new place (closing costs, lender fees, furniture, refrigerator, etc..) which adds up more and more as time goes on. We're just trying to hold our own while being here by making sure to clean up after ourselves, buy a few groceries as needed, and I've been cooking dinner to take some stress off of my mom. So all in all, it's working out pretty well.

We just got back from a wonderful anniversary/birthday vacation in beautiful Colorado. It was an amazing four days spent with just my husband! It really was the most beautiful place I have ever been to, and we did as much as we could during our trip to soak up the incredible views, food, and attractions!! I was sooooo not ready to come back. It was nice to get away from our daily stresses of finances, work, and all that other drama! But what do ya know, once we stepped off that plane back in our hometown, it all hits once again.

We've been struggling a lot lately with trying to establish lasting friendships. We have many friends, but we (and yes, I'm speaking for my husband, too) have just felt very out of touch lately, and there's really no good reason why. We go to a great church, we are a part of a crazy talented worship team, and we still keep in touch with old friends, but for some reason we still feel like we're on the outside looking in. It's hard to word without sounding childish, but we've just struggled with feelings of not being good enough or cool enough. We just long for those friends who we can be there for in good times or bad, but also have those friends be there for us in those times, too. We want friends that want to hang out, just like we want to hang out. We don't always want to have to be the ones to initiate something. We want friends who will follow through with their words, and not just say nice things to us to make conversation. Call it childish, call it stupid, call it whatever you want..but nonetheless, it's there. It's important to have those friends in life, too, ya know? And I know we can't just sit around and expect everyone to come to us. So we try, we really do. We've reached out, invited people over, thrown ourselves out there, we've been ourselves, you name it - just to make those friends, and we still find ourselves at the end of the day feeling like boring ole' grandma and grandpa.

I'm gonna leave that at that, though. We have too much going on in our lives right now to not be happy. We have a beautiful life, we have each other, and we know that God is going to mold those lasting friendships for us!

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