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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Baby Mama

So a lot of the time I am not sure of what to mention in a blog..and most of the time, once I start typing, I end up not making very much sense! So I have been browsing other blogs, and what I have found is mostly others thoughts of the day.
So here I am, I created this blog specifically to share what is going on with our journey to becoming parents, but there's not a whole lot happening in that department thus far. I mean, we are trying, but I am learning patience more and more everyday. I am learning not to become so consumed with having a baby that I miss out on the enjoyment of my everyday life. Having a baby is important to me, but I am learning to be okay with giving the issue over to God. I mean, after all, He is the ultimate creator in this situation, so I have to remind myself daily that it is up to Him when Jeremy and I will have a baby. That's not to say that we're not doing our part, because we are, but I think it is important to God, and to my husband and I, to not become so consumed with the desire that we no longer focus on each other.

But like I was saying, there are no signs of pregnancy thus far, but I will definitely be noting if I see some in the future.

Today I have been thinking of what Jeremy is going to be like as a daddy. I know he is excited at the thought, and we have a lot of fun discussing things such as baby names, who will change the diapers vs. who will handle childhood vomiting, whether or not our child will play sports, etc...And I have imagined him as a daddy before, but today it just will not seem to leave my mind. It may have been sparked this morning, before Jeremy left for work. I was sitting at the bar, eating my bowl of cereal and drinking my usual half cup of coffee, and our youngest pup, Ellie, just would not seem to leave him alone. She kept jumping up his leg as if to say "hold me, hold me." So Jeremy, like he usually does, knelt down and held out his arms and waited for Ellie to calm down so he could pick her up. Ellie jumped into his arms and Jeremy swung her up over his head, and sat her on his shoulder:) It was so stinking cute, partly due to how tiny she is, and partly because she was so content there on his shoulder. She almost looked as if she was smiling, overwhelmed with joy to be on Daddy's shoulder. I know this may all sound cheesy, but our pups are so important to us, and they are the closest things we have to babies right now. They demand so much love and attention, and they have brought Jeremy and I so much joy in our relationship.

I feel like it has created this sweet bond between my husband and I..to be able to look back to when we bought Maggie, she was just this little snow-white fur ball, and we have raised her to be such a loving and sweet tempered pup. Maggie loves to cuddle, and be sung to...she is a complete "mommy's girl". She uses her 24 hour days to play non-stop with her squeaky soccer ball, and she has developed these amazing goalie techniques that I'm positive would put David Beckham out of business! She's just an incredible dog, and Jeremy and I often sit on the couch and smile at each other as we think back over the past year and a half we have had her in our lives.

Then there is Ellie. We bought her on my birthday this year, after watching Marley and Me. Jeremy and I both cried our eyes out, and at some sad point in the movie I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "you wanna go look at puppies after this?" I asked just so we could go and put a smile back on our faces, but we ended up walking out of the pet store that night with a 1.11 pound, tri-colored poodle that has become our special Ellie. She is special indeed. Ellie has this thing with her tongue...usually if she is pondering something, she pokes her tongue out just a little bit, and cocks her head to the side...It is the cutest thing, and we have come to embrace her "special" qualities. She also has a love for mirrors, or anything that casts a reflection of herself. We have a mirrored closet in our bedroom that she often stops at to check herself out in. It's hilarious and different for us, because Maggie never explored the way Ellie does. She will confuse herself if you step in the picture, too. Jeremy will often times wave at her while she's looking, and she will walk forward into the mirror, rather than understanding what is going on. She does this with the oven, too! Ellie is a very special baby, but we love her just the same. But, Maggie definitely picked up the intellectual genes!

It makes me laugh when people find out that we have two tiny, prissy pups. We were over at a friend's house recently, and one of the guys looked at Jeremy and said, "Man, you sure don't look like a poodle kind of guy!" I just laughed as I thought of Jeremy wearing his Snuggie, propped up on the couch with our two little rugrats. The truth is, we never thought of Jeremy to be a poodle kind of guy either, but oh my goodness, how these little babies have grown on him! It melts me to see how gentle he is with them, in his caring for them, disciplining them, or just loving on them. I just imagine that if he is this in love with poodles, he's really going to be a softy with his own children!

I know that God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband! Jeremy loves me so much (and I love him incredibly too) and I can't wait to see how much more that love will grow as I bear his child:) He's going to be a wonderful Daddy one day.. I'm not sure how he will deal with pregnancy (he tends to have a rather weak stomach), but I do know that he is excited, just as I am. I love my man, and I love his passion for God! I can't wait to be his "Baby Mama"!

Below is Daddy with Baby Maggie

This is Special Baby Ellie

Saturday, April 4, 2009

First blog post!

Well, I am excited to say that after following and reading so many blogs, I finally made the decision to have one of my own. I have always loved writing, especially journaling, and sometimes get sick of talking, so I figured it would be appropriate to put my thoughts in a blog.

For those who don't know me, I will just give a brief about section: I am a newlywed of about 4 months now. I married my high school sweetheart this past December after a wonderful 5 1/2 years of courtship. Married life so far has been incredible! I never imagined I could love Jeremy "moore" than I already did! But it is possible! It's almost as if we started all over again, except now he is legally bound to me:) So yeah, we got married, and shortly after found a quaint little home that we loved and moved in. We have two toy poodles that we are extremely attached to, named Maggie and Ellie. They truly are like my children! I started my own house cleaning business at the start of the new year, and although it hasn't really taken off yet, I am completely enjoying working for myself. It's great! My husband is blessed to have a wonderful job that allows me to stay home most of the time and enjoy being a wife, and mom to my pups. We spend most of our time with friends and family, and are blessed to have found a wonderful church that we can call "home". God has blessed us immensely these past few months, and since becoming Jeremy's wife, He has placed in my heart an incredible desire that no matter what, I cannot seem to shake.

This brings me to the subject of this blogspot: My entire life I have longed to be a wife and a mother. I just know that is what God has put me on this earth to do. However, since highschool I have avoided that calling due to what I now see as selfishness. I was raised to think that women are in a spot now where it is important to work, make a successful career, and not depend on a man whatsoever, regardless of marital status. I have treated my life that way for a long time, but I now see that is not what God wants, and that is now what I want, for my life.

Since I got married, I have experienced a crazy strong desire to have a baby. I have received many shocked reactions: "It's too soon", "You should wait a few years", "Travel, see the world", "But you just got married!" But the truth is, I don't really care what others are thinking. I kept the desire a secret for a while, in fear that I would scare my husband. We have discussed having children, but we've always agreed that we would wait a while. I cannot ignore this calling anymore! I came home one night after a baby shower, and I just thought I would ask Jeremy what he thought about me stopping my bc pill. After so many years of taking the pill, mostly for medical reasons, my body was just ready to be normal again. Not to mention the guilt I was experiencing knowing that we were "preventing" any pregnancy that may need to happen:) I expected him to tell me that he didn't think it was a good idea. But it wasn't like that at all...ahh, sigh of relief. He just looked me in the eye and said "yeah, let's do it!" So after a long conversation and him assuring me that he was ready too, we came to the decision to get rid of the pill, and leave it in God's hands.

For the past 3 years, every time I go for my annual "exam" (you know ladies, that one particular doctor visit we dread) the doctor reminds me of scientific reasons of why it will be difficult to conceive: previous D&C surgery I had to remove cysts and polyps from my ovaries and uterus, tilted uterus, hormonal imbalance, blah, blah, blah. All I can ask each year is that doctors not speak that over me. I know that my God is the miraculous one! I know and I pray that when He is ready to bless me with a child, it will be in His perfect timing. But regardless of any "scientific" reason, my husband and I have begun our journey to becoming parents to a wonderful and miraculous baby.

I am ready. The longing is there each time I hold a child, or watch a baby story, see a parent with their child, or even now as I watch over my nephews for a week, I cannot help but to imagine my life with a child. I have so many questions and so much to learn.

So welcome! This will be all about the wonderful journey that my husband and I are on..the good, the bad, and the ugly. But this is our desire: to be faithful and wait upon the Lord for his guidance in this situation. We trust in Him, and will patiently await His blessing for a child.