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Saturday, April 4, 2009

First blog post!

Well, I am excited to say that after following and reading so many blogs, I finally made the decision to have one of my own. I have always loved writing, especially journaling, and sometimes get sick of talking, so I figured it would be appropriate to put my thoughts in a blog.

For those who don't know me, I will just give a brief about section: I am a newlywed of about 4 months now. I married my high school sweetheart this past December after a wonderful 5 1/2 years of courtship. Married life so far has been incredible! I never imagined I could love Jeremy "moore" than I already did! But it is possible! It's almost as if we started all over again, except now he is legally bound to me:) So yeah, we got married, and shortly after found a quaint little home that we loved and moved in. We have two toy poodles that we are extremely attached to, named Maggie and Ellie. They truly are like my children! I started my own house cleaning business at the start of the new year, and although it hasn't really taken off yet, I am completely enjoying working for myself. It's great! My husband is blessed to have a wonderful job that allows me to stay home most of the time and enjoy being a wife, and mom to my pups. We spend most of our time with friends and family, and are blessed to have found a wonderful church that we can call "home". God has blessed us immensely these past few months, and since becoming Jeremy's wife, He has placed in my heart an incredible desire that no matter what, I cannot seem to shake.

This brings me to the subject of this blogspot: My entire life I have longed to be a wife and a mother. I just know that is what God has put me on this earth to do. However, since highschool I have avoided that calling due to what I now see as selfishness. I was raised to think that women are in a spot now where it is important to work, make a successful career, and not depend on a man whatsoever, regardless of marital status. I have treated my life that way for a long time, but I now see that is not what God wants, and that is now what I want, for my life.

Since I got married, I have experienced a crazy strong desire to have a baby. I have received many shocked reactions: "It's too soon", "You should wait a few years", "Travel, see the world", "But you just got married!" But the truth is, I don't really care what others are thinking. I kept the desire a secret for a while, in fear that I would scare my husband. We have discussed having children, but we've always agreed that we would wait a while. I cannot ignore this calling anymore! I came home one night after a baby shower, and I just thought I would ask Jeremy what he thought about me stopping my bc pill. After so many years of taking the pill, mostly for medical reasons, my body was just ready to be normal again. Not to mention the guilt I was experiencing knowing that we were "preventing" any pregnancy that may need to happen:) I expected him to tell me that he didn't think it was a good idea. But it wasn't like that at all...ahh, sigh of relief. He just looked me in the eye and said "yeah, let's do it!" So after a long conversation and him assuring me that he was ready too, we came to the decision to get rid of the pill, and leave it in God's hands.

For the past 3 years, every time I go for my annual "exam" (you know ladies, that one particular doctor visit we dread) the doctor reminds me of scientific reasons of why it will be difficult to conceive: previous D&C surgery I had to remove cysts and polyps from my ovaries and uterus, tilted uterus, hormonal imbalance, blah, blah, blah. All I can ask each year is that doctors not speak that over me. I know that my God is the miraculous one! I know and I pray that when He is ready to bless me with a child, it will be in His perfect timing. But regardless of any "scientific" reason, my husband and I have begun our journey to becoming parents to a wonderful and miraculous baby.

I am ready. The longing is there each time I hold a child, or watch a baby story, see a parent with their child, or even now as I watch over my nephews for a week, I cannot help but to imagine my life with a child. I have so many questions and so much to learn.

So welcome! This will be all about the wonderful journey that my husband and I are on..the good, the bad, and the ugly. But this is our desire: to be faithful and wait upon the Lord for his guidance in this situation. We trust in Him, and will patiently await His blessing for a child.

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