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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

3 years...

I went to the store last night with full intentions of picking out a "Happy Anniversary" card for my husband. I walked out of the store and realized I forgot to do that very thing. Dang it. It's okay, though, I thought. I'm getting out again in the morning, I'll swing by and pick one out then.

This morning I woke up and looked at my husband laying next to me. He was still sleeping. Happy Anniversary, I said in my head as I rolled out of bed to go feed our sleepy-eyed, starving girl. Feed, change diaper, and back to bed we went. Just a short time later, he was tapping my arm to say good-bye as he was leaving for work. "Happy Anniversary, babe."

I got up, got myself and the baby dressed, and out the door we went with full intentions to pick out a very special card. I pull into the store's parking lot, and the sky opened up. The rain poured, and poured, and poured. No problem, though, I thought. We'll just wait it out for a few minutes. Now cue the infant's screaming. Frustrated, and now with the thunderstorm and a very cranky baby, there was NO WAY I was getting out of the car. So we left, and again...no card.

I know these are excuses, but they're very true excuses. I am also terrible at getting cards for my husband. Really, I suck at it. However, I am determined to not let this day pass on without expressing to him, and to everyone else, what this day means.

Today marks three years of marriage with this man. A very short time, in all actuality, but I'm pretty sure we he deserves a medal. These have been three of the most trying, difficult, and painful years of our lives...but what I want, and need for my husband to know is that


I wouldn't trade a single day for anything.


Marriage is not bliss. Moments of it definitely can be, don't get me wrong, but it is NOT easy. We have faced things that I never imagined would ever be a part of our lives. We are flawed, and very sinful creatures, and without our faith and belief in Jesus, I am not so sure we would've made it this far.

I wish that I could type all about how we communicate so well, we always get along, never argue, never go to bed angry (which I know we shouldn't), and every day just cannot wait to bear hug or something...but it would be a lie. However, what I can say after nearly 10 years of relationship and now 3 years of marriage, is that with letting go of the facade, and being truly honest with ourselves and with one another in the good times AND the bad - that is where true intimacy is found.

Three years ago, I made a choice. Yes I was in love, and absolutely still am with this man. But I stood there in front of God, in front of my man, and many other people, and I vowed to love, cherish, and ultimately to never give up on the love that brought us together.
No matter how many heartbreaks we would go through,
no matter how empty our bank account would get at times,
no matter how much we said hurtful things,
no matter how much weight our my body would gain,
no matter,
no matter,
no matter...we would not give up. And every single day we have to choose not to give up. We have learned that we cannot get through this life, or our marriage on a "feeling". We are two messy, very broken people who love one another very much, and we choose to stay true to those vows, and to the God who brought us together.

We have been so blessed. And I am so fortunate to be married to such a forgiving, committed man.

Jeremy,

I freaking love you. I am sorry I don't have a card for you today. But honestly, I don't believe a card exists that could accurately sum up how much you mean to me. The past few years have been rough, to say the least. But I am so proud of the man that you are...for sticking with me, and for your willingness to fight for our love. Our marriage may not ever be perfect, but I know without a doubt that I cannot, and do not ever want to live this life without you. I don't care what we've gone through, or what is still to come our way...You are it, and I will choose you every single time. Thank you for loving me, for loving our daughter, and for striving to be such an amazing man of God. I am a lucky lady. I love you so much, and cannot wait to celebrate our marriage tonight.

Happy 3rd Anniversary!

**P.S.**
We are getting closer and closer to Australia!!


1 comment:

specialkkluthe said...

Great post! I feel this same way about marriage - it's rough and definitely challenging but it's worth it. It helps that my husband is a very gracious, understanding man (like yours). Happy Anniversary!