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Friday, June 21, 2013

Long time, no blog...

I realized a few days ago that it's been five months since I last typed anything here.  FIVE months.  That's a long absence for a blogger...or rather an amateur like myself.  Much has happened in that time.  I've just really been enjoying life, learning to be present for my husband and daughter.  Too much has happened to even be able to type it all out.  And I can't count the number of times I've been in a moment where the thought crossed my mind, "...this would make a great post..."  Needless to say, I've wanted, and I've searched for time to sit down and empty my thoughts, but like I've experienced before, the time just hasn't been right.

So I've come to a place where I realize that it's better for me to take a step back - To let these mumbled, jumbled thoughts mature into what they're meant for... And to let God reveal His purpose(s) in mine and my family's life before I try and make sense of every little detail, question, and confusion here in this online abyss.

As I go back and read past posts, I remember how important this space has been to me over the past four years.  I reread the story of a very young, very scared, and newlywed girl, struggling to trust a very BIG God with her lifelong dream.  And I reread all about how angry, and misguided, and entitled she felt over something that was never really hers to begin with.  But then I reread the turning points, too... How God stretched me, and grew me, and stripped everything away so that all I could see or want had no choice but to align with Heavenly plans for my life.  And I reread all about the provision that was given as I learned for the first time the REAL truth about the God I believe in... And then all about the miracle I had no idea about; the miracle that reshaped my faith, and taught me the goodness of God.  I'm so thankful for this story that has been written for me.  I'm thankful, too, that God's not finished writing it yet.  It's been a long, hard road.. But I wouldn't be who I am today, and my faith wouldn't still be growing like it is, if God wouldn't allow me to be in such a constant place of dependency on Him.

And with that said, I think it's just time for me to put this blog on hold.  I feel it like I did before, and then IT happened... and I don't know what it all means right now.  I know God is doing big things in my life; He's grown new passions, and began leading our family in a direction that was SO far off my radar even just a year ago.  And when I think about the possibilities...I don't even know what to do with myself.

So here we go again.  Just gonna take a break for now, and come back to share more when the words are ready.  Just gonna leave it at that.  It's bittersweet, for sure.

"Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise.  In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God.  He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises.  And because of Abraham's faith, God counted him as righteous.  And when God counted him as righteous, it wasn't just for Abraham's benefit.  It was recorded for our benefit, too, assuring us that God will also count us as righteous if we believe in him, the one who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead." 
- Romans 4:20-24 NLT

"For who can know the Lord's thoughts? Who knows enough to give him advice? And who has given him so much that he needs to pay it back?  For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory.  All glory to him forever! Amen." - Romans 11:34-36 NLT

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