home about me blogroll contact

Thursday, July 25, 2013


I woke up this morning in a pair of jeans and a chiffon top not meant to be worn as pajamas. My first thoughts -  

So annoyed as I turned over to a house cluttered with disaster due to our current home renovation, 

and an aching body trying to remind me of how much work we've put in, and how much we still have left to go. 

But then a little bell jingled as a result of my movement from underneath the covers, and when I pulled them back, I spotted her little Minnie Mouse baby. Apparently Minnie got left behind when the kid was transferred back to her bed at some point in the wee hours of this morning. And in an instant, my mind was flooded with memories of how last night panned out:

The storm was rolling in at her bedtime while I sat on the couch praying that by some miracle, she would fall asleep anyway. I needed a break... from her. From her energy. Her rolling eyes. Her persistence. Her disobedience for the day. I was too exhausted, and the clock struck 10, and I breathed a sigh of relief that it was bedtime. And the day was finally over... Or was it?

With one loud clap of lightning, and the opening of the clouds, her desperate screams reminded me that the night was still young. And my youngin' was scared.  So back into her room I went, head strong and determined to give her a motherly talk to assure her that she was not getting out of bed.  (Not fooling me, kiddo! No way!)

One flick of the light-switch was all it took to melt away my determination, and I was suddenly face to face with a baby who needed her momma.

Her heart was racing, and she was crying with a strength that took her breath away. She could no longer find her words to tell me what was wrong.. but she didn't need to since my heart knew already. I picked her up and instantly felt the calm start to take over, and she buried her sweaty little face in my chest. Back to the couch we went, with her bear and Minnie in tow. (Bear and Minnie always make things better).

We sat there for a while -her head glued to my chest- and I could hear her whisper the words every few minutes: "tun-der" is "sca-wy".

As the storm rolled on, and we moved to momma and daddy's bed, I recalled my childhood tactics that always made me feel better during scary times:

I talked my baby through, and demonstrated how to lift the covers over the head when she felt scared, and she laughed and showed me that she understood. I let her rest there, and still very much longing for my break, I told her I would be right around the corner (back on the couch) if she needed me. 
And as I began my trek towards the door, the fear crept back in and she let out more screams as the tears flooded her eyes. It was still there - she needed me.

Back to the bed I went, but on the inside I pleaded for God to give me the wisdom I clearly needed of how to handle this situation. 

Was she manipulating me? Did she know how BADLY I needed some time for myself??
And although I'm not one who has ever audibly heard the voice of God, I knew very well that He answered my mindless little prayer, and He granted me the wisdom to see what my child NEEDED in that moment.

"Comfort her, Jess. Your baby needs you. She's not manipulating you. She's not taking advantage of you. She's a baby. Scared. And in need of her momma. And you know what?? Opportunities like this are fleeting. Every single day, fleeting. YOU take advantage..of the cuddles, the conversations, and the ability to meet her where she is at right now. And that break you need? I'll give it to you. I am faithful even in the little things."

So as I listened to that still, small voice on the inside, I laid on the edge of my bed, looked my child in the eyes, and got to tell her all about my plans to protect her, and be there for her..always. I choked back tears as I had a very intimate moment with the little girl GIVEN to me, entrusted to me for our lifetime on this earth.  Even at 22 months old, I could tell her heart needed to hear me promise that I will never abandon her. Then we laid there in the dark and said "tun-der" 257 times until we fell asleep.

This morning, she's the reason for the sleeping in jeans and chiffon tops. And while the facts still remain that yes, I'm still tired, and my house is still a disaster, and I'm not sure when my body will stop aching... Memories of her melt away the annoyance and complaint. She made me feel like a mom all over again last night... All because she needed me. Wanted me. And she trusted in my ability to comfort and ease her fear. And I'll take that refreshment to my soul over a small break on the couch for now :).

I'm still very much looking forward to a break in the near future.  A pedicure or massage sure would be nice (a message for my husband if he's reading this...).  But the way my heart feels today, after our bedtime moments last night, I'm also very much looking forward to our next big "tun-der"storm :) 

No comments: