home about me blogroll contact

Monday, December 9, 2013

Weird questions...


  1. Lately, I've been presented with some perplexing questions. *Which has prompted this.* And if you know me at all, I'm not particularly quick on my feet in the response department. I get nervous with people, and nervous with vulnerability, and it takes me time to really figure out how to say what I really want to say.  More often than not, I walk away from a conversation with those regretful feelings of what I should've said.  And it stinks. Because sometimes, hard honest questions deserve a hard, honest answer... And while I do have that honest ability in me, I'm just not that eloquent, well-spoken person who can make your knees buckle when you talk to them.. the kind of person who can produce in you a heart-gripping response because of the depth and beauty of what comes out of their mouth upon the question mark leaving your questioning lips.
  2. Every once in a while, though, you'll ask me about something I'm super passionate about... And with that, I can respond with a ferocity that has been brewing for as long as the topic at hand has been on my heart.  
  3. Phrasing is important.  And it is my humble opinion that we should practice being more aware of the way we phrase things.  You'll see why in a minute.
  4. If you are a man, and a stranger to her, don't follow a young lady out of a building late at night to ask her a personal question.  She might be holding her keys all Edward Scissor-Hands style behind her back.  

 With that being said...

One of the top questions I'm presented with regarding our adoption?  
"When are you gonna have kids of your own?"
*Hold on. Pause. Bow your head with me*... Forgive them, Father, for they don't know what the heck they're saying.
Ok.  Un-pause.  Why do so many people say this?!  Excuse me?  "Kids of my own"?  Last time I checked, she calls me 'mom', she calls my husband 'dad'.  She has our last name.  She is my own.  That's all she will ever be.  But I know what you meant.  What you MEANT to say was, "When are you gonna have BIOLOGICAL children?"  So why don't we start saying that instead?  Because the literal meaning of they way you phrased your question suggests that biology means more.  And it doesn't.  Phrasing people, watch your phrasing!  Because when my kid is five, and she's sitting in the grocery cart when you pop off at the mouth with your poor choice of words, I'm gonna let you explain to her that you really didn't mean it that way.  And believe me, that's not a conversation you want to have to have with a child.  K?  Thanks.

And while we're on it, let's throw in some other examples.  We'll just call this segment
Adoption Conversation Etiquette

  • "Where did you get him/her from?"
Again with the phrasing, people.  It's just not an appropriate way to ask.  If the parents haven't already specified, and it is that important to you, try it this way:  "Did you adopt domestically or internationally?"  Nine times out of ten, the parent(s) answer will tell you everything you need to know.  But phrasing it inappropriately just sounds like you think it's the equivalent to buying a pet or something.

  • "Are you gonna tell them they are adopted?"
First of all, that is none of your business.  Second of all, I genuinely hope and pray that we are moving away from this secretive type of handling of adoption.  And what I'm learning from raising my little girl, is that it is less about having this one huge moment of sitting her down to drop the adoption bomb on her when my husband and I deem right, and way more about raising her up with the knowledge of 

1.) who she is in Christ
2.) where and who she comes from
3.) her story, and encouraging her to take ownership of that.
It is NOT something to be ashamed of, and it does NOT define her.  

  • "How much did you pay for her?"
Umm, again with the ignorant phrasing.  You should know better.  But also, unless you're asking because
1.) You are seriously inquiring for the sake of beginning your own adoption process, or
2.) You need to know how much to make a check out for...

I'm not going to entertain your question.  It's a done deal.


Which leads me to part B of the question above.
WHEN am I gonna have biological children?

Man, as many times as I've been asked this, I'd have to be imprisoned if I let anger get the best of me each time someone posed this question during a moment of pregnancy-desperation!  It happens
A. LOT.  
I mean, the question begins with "When?" As if it's assumed that we're just like holding out or something.  Is that what people think?  Oh man! I wish! 

But the answer doesn't change:  I. DO. NOT. KNOW.  
Then I get the same sympathetic look of sadness and a quiet, "Aww."  
And look.  It's sweet.  Thank God that people care.  The fact is, I'd LOVE to find out today that I'm pregnant.  But after almost five years of 
....I have come to one conclusion...

God is good.
And even if I never see a positive pregnancy test while I'm here on this earth?
God is still good.
I am blessed. 
And I will wait on Him as long as it takes.
And I trust Him with this.

"...If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us.  He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty.  But even if he doesn't, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up." 
Daniel 3:17-18

I know what God is capable of.  I know what He can do.  And we believe that He will.  But even if He doesn't.  In the event that He doesn't.  EVEN IF...  It doesn't change the sovereignty of WHO HE IS.  It doesn't change the POWER of who He is in our lives.  And it doesn't change our want to pursue Him for who He is, and not for what He can give us.  It's His story, here.  Not mine.  Not my husband's.  Not my womb's story.  Not infertility's story.  
The Lord's story.  Blessed be His name.


And in regards to the stranger man running after the young girl?  That did happen.  This past Thursday night as I was leaving church.  And really, I don't mean to throw him under the bus, because although it creeped me out at first, he really was a nice guy with a genuine question... But I held my keys tightly, because you just never know.  And I highly doubt he will read this, but in the event that he does, I do offer a slight apology:  for stereotyping/profiling, and for slowly inching my way to my vehicle as I vaguely answered your question.  Sorry sir.

So yeah, it was a Thursday night, and I had just finished leading worship with some of my friends, and it had been a powerful night.  So this guy comes after me out in the parking lot, and he says,
"I really enjoyed tonight.  Thank you.  You seem really sincere when you worship."
I wasn't sure exactly how to take that, other than to just say, "Aww, thanks!"  After all, I do try to always be sincere in it.  No one wants a worship leader who is putting on an act!

"If you don't mind me asking, is there something you're seeking when you're worshipping?" he asked.
"I'm not sure I understand. Are you asking if me seeking something is the reason/basis for my worship?   Aren't we all seeking something?" I replied.
"Well, I mean, is there something you're after?" He asked back.
At this point, we were lingering, it was cold, I wanted to get home so I could tuck my baby in for bedtime.

"Yeah.  I'm after a lot.  I'm after the heart of God.  I'm after his voice, guidance, and seeking His will for my life.  I'm seeking healing for myself, and for people in my life.  But if you're asking if that is WHY I worship?  Then the answer is no.  I worship God because He is worthy of that.  Because I was created, by Him, to worship Him.  I worship Him because it's the only thing that makes sense to me when nothing else does.  It puts me back in the rightly position of 'little person in the light and presence of a mighty King. A Savior.  A creator.  Sovereign. Holy.' And I am none of that.  So I worship the One who is.... Was that your question?"

"Yep.  Awesome.  Have a good night," he said.  And he walked away.  

And on the way home, I found myself confused... and kind of offended.  Like how dare he question my motives?  He doesn't know me! And he even said I seem sincere!  Am I missing something here??  *I even added a couple finger snaps and eye rolls in there.*  I even told my husband when I got home, "You are NOT going to believe this guy! Ugh!"  And I held onto that pestered feeling for a few days.  

But like He always gently does, God swooped in yet again, and turned my finger, and pointed it directly at me.  That guy and his questions, my answers?  They weren't for him.  They were for me.

It's been a rough time lately for my family.  There's been cancer, and financial struggles, and car troubles, and house issues, and parenting struggles, and loneliness, and school, and lots of work, and sickness, and more... And in that, it is way too easy to forget the real reason for why I get behind that microphone and sing my heart out.  
Going through so much trial, sometimes it's all we can see.  And we go and we do our thing, and we tell ourselves that our hearts are right, but then God sends a messenger...and the messenger asks "really annoying questions"...and then we give our answers, and we realize that God is speaking.  And we're just frustrated because we don't want to admit that we've got it all wrong.  But He's lovingly reminding us to reposition. To get back to the real heart of it.  To stop making it about this "ask and receive" event.  
Because yes, He wants to give. He DOES give.  But that's not what worshipping Him is about.  And as soon as it becomes about that, we've stepped out of line...turning the focus on ourselves, worshipping ourselves...worshipping our circumstances...

He is more.  So much more than that.  And I'm not so annoyed by that strange man anymore.  Thankful, actually.
I'll take that reminder.  Daily if necessary.
He is God.  Sovereign and Holy.  And I am but a little person in the light and presence of a Mighty King.


No comments: