It's gonna be alright...

Allowing people in, and sharing the details of the journeys we're on can be good and bad:

Good: to have an army of people surrounding you who support, love and pray for you,

-And-

Bad: there will always be those people who ask probing questions, insert their opinions without being asked, and forget to use their verbal filters when making unnecessary statements in your presence.

Obviously, I prefer not to deal with the latter, but I know and understand it's all part of the process. I would venture to say that I deal with those people better now than I did in the beginning. I will go even a step further and say that I appreciate them.

I had someone ask me yesterday how things are going for Jeremy and I (you know, "baby-wise"), and if we had given up hope. Even though I was annoyed with the way the questions were phrased at first, I welcomed the conversation. It felt good to talk about things. I was thankful that God let us cross paths yesterday, and even thankful for the awkward way such a very personal conversation came about. I think both parties learned some things:

For the other person, I think it taught them that unless you are, in some way, relationally close with someone struggling with fertility, starting conversation with questions like the above is probably not the most appropriate way. It can make for an uncomfortable environment, it can be off-putting, and could possibly offend.

For me, it sort of reaffirmed that where my husband and I are in this process is okay. It's kind of at a stand still (we have medical options that we are not supposed to go through with right now), and we know that is exactly where God wants us. We are taking this time and strengthening our relationships with the Lord, and with one another. The longing and desire is still evident as ever, but we also know that we have a beautiful future with children on the horizon. We still pray and ask God for our miracle baby, but we are content in knowing that He hears our cries and has already answered our prayers...but our answer doesn't always look like His answer. We rest in knowing that God is bigger than this. Bigger than we can ever understand. And yes, we still have hope. Everyday we have hope. And everyday we have to choose to lift our eyes unto the hills and declare where our true hope comes from in order not to lose our hope.

It was good for me to re-evaluate some things yesterday. It helped to hear myself say it. Sometimes, if things aren't happening, it's hard to keep focused on the fact that it's okay. And then one of those people come along and stir up the dust. You might be annoyed at first, but you might also walk away with a calming peace that has just reminded you once again that it's all gonna work out.


"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever." II Corinthians 4:16-18 (The MSG)