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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Here we go...

It's funny how things start to really feel real just by turning in a huge packet of paperwork. We've been working on this paperwork since the beginning of January. Like most people, I'm not one who enjoys the tediousness and repetitiveness that comes along with filling in what seem to be endless blanks. Hundreds of questions, and empty printer ink cartridges later, it's complete. We've answered self assessment questions, revealed our financial information, and over analyzed and picked apart our deepest desires to become parents. You'd think by now we would be overly confident in our readiness due to the amount of paperwork we've pondered, and number of checklists I've scoured. But the looming question still exists: Are we ready for this?

In our preparations, we've agreed, disagreed, argued, compromised, laughed, cried, comforted, and interviewed one another, just to name a few. We are barely into this process of adoption and we can already see what a beautiful and messy journey this about to become. And now that it's beginning to seem very real, and we are about to experience another phase/step in the process, we are becoming more and more invested and attached emotionally than any one person could ever prepare for.

There are not many absolutes right now. We are not absolute in our parenting styles yet, nothing has been "approved" about us yet, we haven't been chosen by a birth family yet, we don't know if we will end up with a baby boy or baby girl yet, and we absolutely don't (despite any amounts of paperwork or training classes) feel prepared yet. I don't know if we'll ever feel "prepared".

But the things I do know for sure:

I want this so badly. My heart is 100% in this.

My husband wants this so badly. His heart is 100% in this.

We may not have it all figured out, but we are willing to take any risk necessary to look into the eyes of our child every day. We are ready for that kind of love.

Whether we feel prepared or not, we know that we serve a loving, merciful, graceful and very faithful God who will give us every quality we need to get through it.

So...here we go. Next up is our home study. Pray for us =)

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