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Sunday, February 13, 2011

No more fig leaves...

This weekend was marriage changing for this woman.  One would think after so many years of relationship, and 2 years of marriage, we'd have this thing down-packed.  But we don't.  Don't think we ever will.  But this past weekend we attended our first marriage conference together.  I think for both of us, our eyes were opened to how much our marriage has been under attack, and what we were and were not doing to protect it.  Truth is, we were not doing enough, and I honestly admit that I am afraid of where it would have ended up had we not 1) attended this conference, and 2) opened ourselves up to change in our hearts, minds, ways of communication, our home, and pretty much every other aspect of our life together.

For way too long, (and I'll just speak for myself here), I have let fear and insecurity take over my role as a wife.  And by using the word "role" I'm not referring to any particular surface-level subject - i.e, cleaning, cooking, etc.  I'm referring to the emotional, mental, and physical levels that I had nearly checked out of completely.  Busy schedules helped us forget to make each other priority.  Negative body image caused me to shut him out physically.  Fear of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with one another pushed us away from coming together spiritually to pray with one another.  Complacency, insecurity, pessimism, resentment and anger made it difficult for us to admit how past mistakes and hurts deeply affected each of us.  All of which is tough to admit, but it is the reality and truth of the stance of where our marriage was.  And the road it was continuing on was not a good one.  The more we fought with each other, the less we fought for one another...and the more we let the devil take over.

I know reading all this makes it sound like we were dealing with a terrible marriage.  But the truth is, we are two normal people who desperately love each other, but needed to take a deep look inside to find the fight that still exists for our love.  Things were coming to a head before this past weekend, but the conference really sealed the deal.  We all deal with these issues in our marriages, and we are only fooling ourselves if we choose to say otherwise.  

I say all that to say that the fight is on.  I've been married to my love for just over two years, but I am more convinced than ever that the real marriage is just beginning.  The best days are yet to come, because I believe in us.  My husband believes in us.  God believes in us.  It is on.

I'm not a fan of super mushy Valentines Day messages, but today I'm not ashamed..and I know he is going to get an RSS feed update about this blog post, and he will be reading this soon, so...

Just to declare: Jerms, I refuse to let the devil get a foot-hold over my love for you anymore.  I am so excited for new beginnings with you, and thankful for the grace you have for me.  You are a wonderful man, husband, and father already, and I believe in you.  Apart from God, you are the number one most important person in my world, and I will fight as hard as it takes to love you completely.  No more fig leaves, I promise.

To everyone else, Happy Valentines Day.  Embrace your loved one, and love hard.


Fearfully. Wonderfully. said...

beautiful. lovely. so well said.

Rachel said...

I agree with Christy...this is beautiful. Michael and I are going on 7 years of marriage, and I can say and agree with you that it is a never ending fight. Satan wants to creep in to our marriages any way possible. In small things, and in large things. No marriage is perfect, just like our relationship with Christ will never be perfect (here on this earth). But we constantly must learn and grow and shape our relationship into something godly.
Love ya, girl.